There Stands the Glass

Two of my (former) best friends recently suggested I train artificial intelligence tools to write my blogs. How dare they! AI might be capable of replicating my cadence and tone, but I refuse to believe machines have the capacity to anticipate my emotions, ideas and impulses. Of course, there is one notable exception that justifies the insensitive proposal. I’ve written dozens of interchangeable concert reviews containing the following elements.

I buy a last-minute, bargain-priced front-row seat for a recital by internationally renowned classical musicians.
Witnessing the performances at close proximity allows me to scrutinize the technique, tics, attire and even the smells of artists. I’m occasionally able to follow along on musicians’ sheet music.
I add dubious commentary on the worth of individual compositions.
While I’ve tried to stifle the impulse in the past year, I regularly call out members of the audience for intrusive noisemaking.

I didn’t ask robots to crank out text about the appearance of violinist Joshua Bell, pianist Evgeny Kissin and cellist Steven Isserlis at the Folly Theater on Thursday, May 28. Nor did I tell machines that I paid $35 (before fees) for a choice seat amid the capacity audience of more than 1,000 to hear works by Solomon Rosowsky, Dmitri Shostakovich and Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Did I like it? Try asking AI.